Sex in School
Copyright 2008 What is the reality of sex in school and what is OK in regards to sex in school?
On June 6, 2008, the St. Petersburg, Florida, Times reported that two high school students described to school officials how they saw Spanish teacher Frances Sepulveda, 30, and coach Bryant Wilburn, 29, having sex inside a locked classroom. The students were apparently peeking through the key hole.
What, if anything, bothers you about this report?
They were consenting adults behind locked and closed doors, so what is the problem? Perhaps, a school classroom is not a place where there is an expectation of privacy so the teachers were wrong? Maybe, the children were wrong because they were going out of their way to spy on them? No one was hurt, right? Is love making between unmarried consenting adults a bad example to America's youth? Is it a good example because they are making love not war, man? Is it nobody's business? Wait a minute; sex is always wrong so everyone is wrong.
As one would expect, both teachers are no longer employed at this school.
If two teachers looked through the key hole and saw two students having sex in an empty and locked classroom, what would have been the ramifications? What if it was a teacher and a student having sex? How about a married couple...or, two adult men or two underage men or an elderly unmarried couple or the janitor and a donkey?
OK, I will allow that actually having sex in a public school is not alright and it doesn't matter what kind of sex we are talking about. No matter what your view is about sex, you must admit that there are a lot of people who don't want to witness it in a public place.
Even Stupid Levystien, who thought that watching sex was always a cool thing, lost his lunch when he saw the dog and the Japanese guy in chapter one.
Of course, this chapter is not about literally having sex on school grounds. It's about the whole issue of sex among young people in school.
The questions are:
1. What do kids really know?2. What do kids really do?
3. What is over the line?
There is one additional question that is a central issue in all of this:
"Should we teach kids about sex?" Believe it or not there is a huge debate about this question. Some people say that we should only teach kids to be abstinent. If we teach anything about sex, then we are implicitly telling kids that it is OK to have sex. Following this logic, if we don't teach kids about sex, then we are implicitly telling kids that it is not OK to have sex. It's not OK, right?
Others say that we should teach abstinence but also teach everything else, just in case they ignore the abstinence thing. They argue that passion is involved and, therefore, judgment might get clouded so knowing about protection is reasonable and potentially life-saving.
There is also the opinion that we should teach a few things about sex but not everything. The idea is that children are protected from something if they simply don't know about it. For example, we can teach kids how babies are made but leave out the vaginal intercourse thing. If we don't tell them about putting a penis in a vagina, then maybe they won't do it. Maybe, when a guy turns 18 he will look down at his private parts and wonder what in the hell that thing is for?
That is...assuming Uncle Benny didn't already teach them how to use his private parts when they were six. If he did, then it would be best for them to never learn the truth. If they remain ignorant and begin to teach your grandchildren about private parts and if they get caught, then they can tell the judge, "But I thought that is what private parts were for." The cool thing is that they will say it with a straight face. They will genuinely believe it because you never taught them differently.
Let's talk about what teenagers really think and do in regards to sex. I'm going to present a number of items that you might find interesting. These things might challenge your previously held viewpoints. How about if you read the rest of this chapter with this thought in mind; "Perhaps, education is a good thing."
OK, the first question is, "What do kids really know?"
In the spring of 2000 there was a study published in the journal Social Policy that sought to find out what teenagers know about sex. They gave the kids a questionnaire and, overall, the results were pretty bad. Take a look at these responses:
Figures show percent of correct responses among teenagers surveyed.
18% A pap smear test is used to check for cancer of the cervix.(T)
27% Young people can never choose to be abstinent once they have sexual intercourse.(F)
27% A teenage girl who has had an abortion will have difficulty getting pregnant when she wants to have a baby.(F)
27% Fertilization of the egg occurs in the vagina.(F)
30% Douching is a method of birth control.(F)
33% The male hormone is called testosterone.(T)
37% Once you have a STD, you cannot get the same one again.(F)
48% If a girl has sexual intercourse during her period, she can still get pregnant.(T)
Source: Knowledge about Reproduction, Contraception, and Sexually Transmitted Infections among Young Adolescents in American Cities. Social Policy, Spring 2000, p. 41.
Considering that the monkey score on a true and false test is 50%, I'm thinking that our teenagers are actively misinformed about sex. This means that, whether you like it or not, our teenagers are getting sex education. The problem is that they are getting it from non-peer reviewed sources.
Can you believe that 70% of teenagers think that douching is a form of birth control? Where did they learn that?
I'm thinking that your little princess is asking her boyfriend, "But what if I get pregnant?"
Of course, teenage horn-dogs are not a population known for taking the high road on sexual issues. Also, the horn-dogs filled out the questionnaire too. They are just as misinformed as your little girl.
The question really isn't whether you want your kids to learn about sex, the question is where you want your kids to learn about sex.
The idea that education leads to bad outcomes is ridiculous. When I was in medical school we learned about all kinds of human activities such as smoking, drinking, over-eating, stealing, killing, raping, child molesting, etc. and guess what? I have never done any of those things.
In regards to alcohol, I learned how much is too much and about liver disease and about heart attacks and about DUIs and car wrecks and everything and I thought to myself, "Hmm...probably don't want to do that."
Learning about alcohol did not result in me running out and downing a bottle of Boone's Farm. In fact, once I was educated it helped me know what I was doing the next time I was at a party and someone offered me some Boone's Farm.
What else do kids know about sex?
The Chicago Tribune recently reported about a youth agency that held a conference to talk about sex with teens. The adults who organized the event were astonished at what these kids believed. Here is an excerpt:
One well-meaning young man stood and said aluminum foil could be used in lieu of a condom. Other teens offered up myths such as the efficacy of plastic baggies, having sex while standing, and bathing right after sex.
Of course, this was not a scientific study but the scientific studies provide the same results. So, "What do kids know about sex?" The answer to this question is that teens are actively misinformed with regards to sex. They know a lot, but they know a lot of wrong stuff. I hope that you can appreciate the fact that it would be better if they just didn't know much at all.
Let's move on to question number two. "What do kids really do in regards to sex?"
Let's see...all human teenagers are in the process of newly acquiring the number one most potent of all human instincts and they are horribly misinformed about it. What do you think they will do? The only thing I could predict about their behavior is that it will likely be unpredictable. What do you think?
Perhaps, totally on their own and left to their own devices, they will fall in love with a well matched partner and have sex at a point in the relationship where it is appropriate and stay monogamous with the love of their life and have children and grow and develop and be healthy and happy and live a long time and...Naaaaaa!!!!
I bet they have sex before they are ready and they have it with the wrong partner and they repeat this numerous times before they find their true love, if they ever find their true love, and I bet they are hurt and get diseases and have abortions and...Yeah, that sounds about right.
Kids don't have sex, do they?
We failed to teach it to them, so how did they find out about it?
Well, here's the real data:
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), roughly half of all 15- to 19-year-olds have had vaginal intercourse, and more than half have had oral sex.
Also, around 60% of all American high school graduates have had intercourse.
Surprisingly, girls have had more sex than boys. Actually, I used to daydream in high school that if I was a girl, then I could easily have lots of sex. I guess that my little daydream was not too far off.
When 30,265 boys and 56,602 girls were asked if they ever had sex here is how they answered:
Age Boys Girls
13 22.9% 25.8%
14 20% 25.6%
15 20.7% 36.1%
16 28.4% 48.2%
17 37.4% 58.9%
18 44.4% 66.9%
19 56.6% 73.7%
20 62.1% 79.1%
21 66.8% 82.3%
22 71% 84.5%
23 74.2% 85.2%
24+ 80.2% 87.6%
Emmanuelle Godeau, MD, PhD, of the University of Toulouse, France, and colleagues asked some 34,000 15-year-olds about their sexual activities as part of a youth health survey. They collected the data in 2002 from students in 23 European countries and Canada.
Kids are having sex! OK, are you listening? Do you have a few questions?
What kinds of sex are kids having? How safe is it? Who gets hurt? What are the long term effects? Can you think of a few more questions we need to ask?
In 1990, the CDC began following teenage sexual trends and sex education in high schools began to receive greater attention. The government began providing money to this effort and teenage sex actually experienced a ten year decline. Unfortunately, in 2001 the decline stopped and has remained at about the same level until now.
Whether this decline was due to an increased emphasis on abstinence based or information based sexual education programs cannot be determined. It may well be that simply getting kids talking about it is the key. The cessation of the decline could be a ceiling effect or it could be that the rates will turn around and go back up in the future. Of course, lots of bible thumpers want to blame the media for this re-invigoration of sex in our culture but no one really knows.
Certainly, the sex education classes that are called "abstinence-only-until-marriage," which are the only ones funded by the Bush era programs, appear not to work.
A number of other classes that integrate the idea of abstinence into a comprehensive and honest curricula about sex education have demonstrated efficacy. The real question is, "Where on the spectrum should we integrate the idea of abstinence with real honest information about why abstinence is reasonable and all the other real honest information about sex."
In the great debate about sex, Stupid Levystien is really pulling for sex to turn out to be a harmless activity. He hopes that it will turn out to be something that we should all be doing a lot. Alas, there are legitimate reasons that the sexual revolution needs to re-examine itself. Although it is possible that two unwed 16 year olds could have sex in a socially and medically appropriate way, I would guess that for the vast majority it is done in an unsafe and socially inappropriate way.
For example, in March of '08 The CDC released results from a large study of sexually transmitted diseases in teenagers. The new study said that one in every four teenage women has a sexually transmitted disease. That is an estimated total of 3.2 million women ages 14 to 19. In addition to herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, and Chlamydia, this statistic also includes human papillomavirus (HPV) which causes warts. Warts alone are not that serious but HPV can be subclinical, so girls may not know they have it, and it can lead to cancer. That is not good.
Also, attitudes about sex have changed since the '60s. Most people now think sex out of wedlock is OK and that "other than intercourse" forms of sex such as oral sex are no big deal. People used to think these were things you did after having intercourse but people now see them as things to do before or instead of intercourse. Today, teenagers see them as no big deal compared to intercourse. Unfortunately, teens are turning up with oral STDs at an alarming rate. Ironically, when you survey them they say that you can't get an STD by having oral sex. They also say you can't get an STD if you have sex with someone you trust.
Gallup has polled us about the premarital sex question since 1969 and here is how the answer has changed:
Data show attitudes about premarital sex, based on a Gallup poll survey. Figures are in percent.
Not wrong Wrong
1969 21 68
1973 43 47
1985 52 39
1987 48 46
1991 54 40
1996 55 40
1998 56 40
2001 60 38
Source: Majority Considers Sex Before Marriage Morally Okay. Available online from http://www.gallup.com.
So, is teenage premarital sex good or bad?
Consider that thirty-four percent of young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20. Eight in ten of these teen pregnancies are unintended and 79 percent are to unmarried teens. You must admit...this is not very good.
Consider, also, that the younger a teenage girl is when she has sex for the first time, the more likely she is to have had unwanted or non-voluntary sex. Close to four in ten girls who had first intercourse at 13 or 14 report it was either non-voluntary or unwanted.
Furthermore, a survey in Psychology Today found that of those high school boys and girls who have had sex, 55% of boys and 72% of girls regretted the decision.
What are kids doing in regards to sex?
Teenagers are having sex out of wedlock and they are getting hurt both physically and emotionally. They are having sex and they are regretting it. They are getting pregnant and they are getting diseases.
Why have we changed our opinion about teenage premarital sex?
Could it have anything to do with education...or lack thereof?
You think?
Well, would education cause kids to stop having unwanted babies and STDs? Would education cause kids to abstain until a more appropriate time with a more appropriate partner? The answer to these questions and many more is obviously...
YES!! In December of '07 the CDC announced results of a study that found:
...teen girls in the nationally representative sample were 59 percent less likely to start having sex before age 15 if they had received sex education,and
...teen boys were 71 percent less likely.
There is a caveat. The education needs to precede the individual's first sexual experience. In other words, Junior High kids should be the targets of our education effort. Unfortunately, everyone on all sides agree that this is not an appropriate age group to educate about sex.
They also report that boys are three times more likely to use contraception after attending a sex education class.
The CDC has proclaimed loudly, "Sex education works!!"
As a psychiatrist I am humbled when I see actual behavioral change. I must stop for a moment and wipe the tear from my eye. To think that you can change behavior through education, kind of heart-warming isn't it?
In my practice I never tried education alone. If anyone would have suggested that I simply educate my patient I would have laughed out loud. I know that human behavior is a very difficult thing to change and I know that education alone won't work.
Imagine, you can simply tell a kid that aluminum foil is no good and condoms work and he will go out and buy some condoms and actually use them. Wow!
I remember when I first started using condoms. Well, I wasn't exactly having sex. I was in high school and I thought it would be really cool to carry a condom in my wallet. Those of you who have done this know that the rubber ring on the condom makes an imprint in the leather on your wallet. When the head football coach held up my lost wallet on center stage in the auditorium at a pep rally and asked, "Whose wallet is this?" I was very embarrassed to clearly see the imprint and hoped no one else noticed it as I went up to get my wallet.
Actually, stupid Levystien emphatically proclaims that he did not start having sex until he was 11 years old. He goes on to indicate that he did not begin using a partner until he was 19.
What about religion?
Are we saying that teaching kids good moral values and religious beliefs does not affect their behavior regarding sex?
Not at all
The truth is that kids who strongly hold religious beliefs are less likely to engage in all risky behaviors. The problem is that the kid has to believe the religion. It won't work if the parent shouts the religion at a kid or tries to force the religion on the kid. The kid has to embrace it themselves. Otherwise, it could backfire and a religious parent could push an oppositional kid into doing all kinds of risky behaviors.
At this point I am becoming a bit frustrated. I am trying very hard to include some pictures in this chapter about teenage sex. Unfortunately, there has not yet been an appropriate spot. I certainly could have included some kiddy porn but that would be obviously gratuitous. I prefer to sneak it in with some purported excuse. I'll keep trying.
The final question is, "What is over-the-line?" This is an interesting question in the year 2008 because you can now have sex that has little chance of causing STDs or pregnancies. Yet, people don't do that. We have a huge problem with STDs and pregnancies. Why is that?
Sex should no longer be a risky behavior and we should all be doing it a lot and there should be zero unwanted pregnancies and zero STDs...don't you think?
What about the emotional trauma of relationship heartache? Well, how hard would it be to educate our children about relationships? Can't we teach them how to select a well matched partner and how to know if the time is right and how to avoid getting hurt, etc.? We professionals know how to behave correctly in regards to sex...don't we? (This last sentence is particularly sarcastic.)
Why can't we just educate everyone and then they will do it?
I find myself in the uncomfortable position of having to agree with religious zealots who say, "Proper sexual behavior was written in a book a long time ago and it is right so just shut up." Unfortunately, the zealots are still right and Stupid Levystien is still wrong.
I suppose that you could have a well educated and stable kid who is capable of making good decisions. Perhaps, a kid like that doesn't need to conform to ancient religious dogma. For most kids, however, I would recommend the dogma. I think that most kids have little ability to make good decisions and they are horribly misinformed about sex.
So, what is over-the-line?
Emotional trauma, STDS, and unwanted pregnancies are over-the-line. We can stop these things through adherence to religious beliefs and I have conceded that it is OK to do it in that way. We can also stop these things through education and I strongly recommend doing it this way, too.
We all want to have sex and teenagers are certainly no exception. Sex can be a very good thing and it can lead to health and happiness and be a robust part of a good life. Sex can also be hurtful and harmful and lead to illness and unwanted babies. It seems to me that the rules of sex should change now that there is this thing called "protection" but without education kids are still getting hurt. So what do we do?
I propose a compromise solution.
I will fully endorse and heavily promote reasonable adherence to religious teachings in general and specifically in regards to human sexuality. I will teach kids that being religious results in much less of the "over-the-line" items we are talking about. I will proclaim that kids who are religious will have fewer STDS, fewer unwanted babies, and less emotional trauma related to sex.
For your part, how about if you fully endorse and heavily promote legitimate sex education about all issues related to sex. The education you promote will be done by professionals in classrooms and it will cover child birth, anatomy, female cycles, impotence, pre-mature ejaculation, orgasm and orgasm difficulties, STDs, rape, date rape, definition of consent, homosexuality, pedophilia, fetishes, perversions, abortion, contraception, sexual development, ambiguous genitalia, gender identity disorders, attraction and arousal, appropriate and inappropriate mating behavior, and a number of other topics.
Abstinence will be recommended but it will not be forced on anyone; rather the risks and benefits of abstinence from both an emotional and medical point of view will be presented. Books such as this one will be given to students so they will always have a resource to answer their questions.
Human Sexuality, Second Edition, Simon LeVay and Sharon M. Valente, 2006Now, imagine this scene between your precious young girl and her new boyfriend:
Johnny: "Hey, sweetheart, how you doin'?"
Mary: "I'm OK."
Johnny: "You sure look nice."
Mary: "Thanks."
Johnny: "Wanna play doctor?"
Mary: "OK"
Johnny: "Ever see one of these?"
Mary: "Wow!"
Johnny: "It can make you feel really good."
Mary: "I'm a Christian and I don't feel that it is right to do that until you are married but I would love to hug and kiss."
Johnny: "Oh, come on...I know you want to."
Mary: "You're right...I do want to."
Johnny: "Oh, baby, you're the only one for me."
Mary: "Wait...what if I get pregnant?"
Johnny: "You can't get pregnant if it's your first time and besides I will pull out in time."
Mary: "I was taught in my sex education class that you can actually get pregnant even if it is your first time. I was also taught that the first part of the ejaculate is where the sperm is and so pulling out frequently doesn't work. Can we use a condom?"
Johnny: "Oh, don't believe that baby...I won't get you pregnant. I hate condoms and sometimes they don't even work."
Mary: "Actually, condoms are 99.9% effective and they also protect against STDs."
Johnny: "Believe me, I won't give you any STDs and natural skin feels so much better."
Mary: "You know what...Johnny...there is something else I learned in my sex education class. They said that if a boy insists on unsafe sex then he might not be someone you can trust. They also said that the most important thing about being intimate with someone is choosing someone that you can trust. Therefore, I don't think I want to have sex with you."
Levystien: Yes...score one for the girl!!*
But just in case: www.plannedparenthood.org
*I apologize for not finding an appropriate teenage sex photo.Sex at Church Table of Contents Postscript-
On May 7, 2009, President Obama cancelled all funding for abstinence only programs. He also created a new division within the HHS to fund teen pregnancy prevention.
The scientific literature over the last 25 years has simply not supported "abstinence-only-until-marriage" sex education and yet the government has spent over a billion dollars on it. My interpretation of all the literature in this area is that the more you lie to kids, the more they don't listen to you.
Also, current polls suggest that an overwhelming majority of Americans agree with the president's position on sex. Even if they don't quite understand his exact position during sex. lol
Postscript-Postscript-
It is now June of 2010 and, in the immortal words of Homer Simpson, "DOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The Senate Finance Committee approved an amendment, offered by Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT), to the health care reform bill to reinstate $50 million per year for five years to the failed "abstinence-only-until-marriage" program. Oh, well.
Actually, I think the tide is turning. It appears to me that in the future we will likely see responsible and honest sex education that is capable of reducing the appalling statistics that come out of the CDC each year. For example, here in Denver our very partisan and highly polarized school board unanimously passed comprehensive sex-ed reform. Here it is in their own words:
“the need to continue and expand efforts to ensure that all young people have access to science-based, comprehensive, medically accurate, culturally relevant and age-appropriate sexuality education, information and resources …”
