Conclusion

 

            I graduated from Texas A&M University which is located in College Station, Texas.  I am what you call an "Aggie."  There is another school over in Austin, Texas, called texas university and we call people who go to that school "Longhorns" or pejoratively, "T-sips."  Some folks call this school the University of Texas but Texas A&M was actually the first public school of higher education in the state.  Aggies are offended by their use of the word "of."  We prefer to call them texas (with a lower case "t") university. 

            We used to play a huge football game at Thanksgiving every year to determine who is the best.  At the two minute warning in this game 70,000 Aggies would bend over and yell in unison, "BEAT THE HELL OUT OF t.u."

            When our state legislature is split on party lines it is not between Democrats and Republicans it is between Aggies and Longhorns.

            When children choose to attend the "other" school they are no longer welcome at Christmas.

            If you are an Aggie man and you marry a woman who is a T-sip this is perfectly OK.  Aggies consider that T-sips are all a bunch of pussies. 

            My Aggie ring is made of gold and has numerous divots on the underside.  These divots represent all the assholes (T-sips) in the world.  As I age the gold wears down and the divots disappear.  Supposedly, as I mature I am supposed to perceive that the T-sips are no longer the assholes that I once thought they were.

            I now live in Parker, Colorado, and I ran into a T-sip yesterday who lives over in Highlands Ranch.  I was very happy to learn that he was a Longhorn and we reminisced about our youth back in Texas.  We talked about watching the Cowboys play football and eating steak and riding horses. We both agreed that the Buffalos over in Boulder were a bunch of bums.

            Why do I act this way?

            Why do we act this way?

            Can you imagine seeing two groups of Zebras squaring off in an organized way and attacking each other while yelling and waving signs that say how much the other group sucks. 

            It really is crazy behavior when you think about it.

            Other primates do not act this way so why do we?

            The hominids that survived developed the ability to work together.  To network.  To communicate.  We evolved biology to do this better and better.  Social behavior eventually elevated us to the top of the food chain.  We became the dominant species.  We evolved brains that do teamwork. 

            Indigenous religions, for example, use song and dance in unison with chanting and wearing similar clothing to band together and to oppose other groups.  Exactly like a football team.  It is how we are programmed.

            My old coach used to say, "Men, football is like life."

            I wonder if he knew how right he was?

            Have you ever watched a spider spin his web and thought to yourself, "How weird."

            I bet a spider would watch the Cowboys play the Redskins on Monday night and think to himself, "How weird."

            I am an educated scientist and I am trained to use logic.  I have a desire to tell other humans that they should think for themselves.  That they should evaluate stuff through a deductive process. That they should demand evidence and try to understand reality. 

            I am fighting an uphill battle trying to get humans to behave in a way that is inconsistent with their basic programming. 

            I should just sit back, relax, yell, "BEAT THE HELL OUT OF t.u.," and enjoy being a human. 

 

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